ugly people sure do ruin things
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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