you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
