69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
