Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
