Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
