Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
