My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Pants are for mortals
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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