Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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