Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
