oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
