I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
