I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
