mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
