a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
