You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
