How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
