I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
