There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
