I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize