yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think my fart just growled at me.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
