he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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