I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
