I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
