John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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