oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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