I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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