I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
