I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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