Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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