a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
