The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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