the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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