Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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