I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i've created a new STD.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
