Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize