turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
pop tarts are not kleenex
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
