well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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