am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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