Can Purell be used as lube?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
