If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
