I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
