is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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