the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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