Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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