I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
