a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
