he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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