toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
