Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
