stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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