Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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