They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
