I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize