I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
