well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
