I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
