its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
