I'm jealous of your bromance
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
