also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize