i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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