It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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