the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
