so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
