actually, I'm a sock model
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
