Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Even my vagina gasped.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize