you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
