lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
