if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
