i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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