I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
