My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
