Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
