I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
