Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
