I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
